Peacocks, rollercoasters, and finding your people 🦚

(From 8-12-25)

Today is mine and Chuckie’s 2 year wedding anniversary. If you know me more personally, you know that one of my favorite things to do is talk about feelings. Unlike my husband, who btw is totally squirming in his seat right now terrified of what I am about to write, I love sharing all the shmmoppy dooppy expressions of love and gratefulness for my family and friends.

While I’m not here to hand out marriage advice on my two year stint, I do feel I can offer insight on how to find — and be — a strong support for your life partner in pursuing personal goals. Whether you are married, dating, a friend, or family member, you and the people you care about need each other to ride this crazy train that is life. Our whole motto here at THE BAR is building a fitter more confident community, community being the key word that encompasses a ”better together” value system.

Chuckie and I have always tried to keep that mindset at the forefront of our relationship. If you have been with someone for any extended period of time, you know that that isn’t always the easiest thing. Keeping the people who are closest to you accountable, and allowing them to do the same for you can be tough. 

So how do you allow your person to support you through your health and fitness goals (or any goals)? How do you build that back up accountability partner without also building resentment along the way? Is your spouse or life partner the only person you can give that role to?

There are a lot of things I do not know on this subject but here are some things I do…

1. Pick the right person. The person (or people) you choose to share your biggest dreams and aspirations— and who will help you stay accountable to the things you commit to, watch you fail, and restart, fail again, change your mind, and learn to love the process— is the most important decision you will make. If that person is not able to ride the wave with you, to love all of the dreams you have like they are their own, and to allow you to flow within your trial and error, growing and redirecting, you will not feel 100% free to do so. You need to feel 100% free is you are going to grow into the person you are meant to.
2. “Loving all the dreams you have as if they are their own” does not mean wanting the same things as you do. Your life partner does not need to understand the depth of your dreams to support you. They do not need to feel the same way about the changes you want to make, the things you want to accomplish, the life dreams you have in your heart. They don’t have to have the same passions as you. They don’t have to understand them in the same way as you. Supporting you and believing in the dreams you have is not the same as wanting them too. “Loving your dreams like they are their own” is more like loving you enough they want them to happen for you. 
3. Set very clear expectations on how you want to be held accountable. This takes some digging on your part. As in most things, you have to be honest with yourself, and first understand your own expectations and limitations. If you don’t know you, they can’t know you. “Communication is key” but even before communicating with your spouse, friend, etc.. you have to communicate with yourself to understand your own feelings. If you are not first honest with yourself on the things you can accept to hear and the things that will make you want to punch them, then every effort your person makes would be a scary shot in the dark. When you can give clear direction on how you need and want to be supported, and the specific things you would like to be held accountable for, everyone will be much more relaxed and free to act on those requests.
4. Support and accountability are not the same. Sometimes the person closest to you isn’t the right person for the job. Not every role in keeping you on track with your dreams and goals needs to go to your life partner—and that is ok! Some feedback or guidance is better received from different people. Your person may not understand the areas you are working on and while they can still cheer you on in your journey, their insight on the topic may not mean as much, and frankly may just be annoying to hear. 😆 Know thyself.
   
   

One thing Chuckie has taught me is that in living life together, there can still be so much independence. We are two different people with different backgrounds, passions, and inner longings. We express ourselves differently, understand things differently, and feel joy and pain at different depths. Chuckie has always given me the gift of acceptance. No matter what rollercoaster I’m on, he’s not always sitting next to me — but I can count on him to celebrate the thrill after, or hold my hair while I throw up 😜

“You’re a peacock and I need to let you fly” is one of my most favorite things he has ever said to me.

Conflict, communication, support, accountability… We aren’t perfect at it and it’s not always easy, but we are both 100% willing to be open, humble, and learn how to be better. We are willing to let the other person peacock around in an ever-evolving effort to find themselves. And really, what more could you ask for than people in your corner (whether a spouse, friend, or family member) who will show up for you through the successes, the struggles, and all the messy growth in between? Find your people, communicate with them, and trust them enough to welcome them into the wild with you.

P.S. I’d like to end this by telling Chuckie Happy Anniversary and how I am still so stinking Crazy about him…But he would hate that, so I won’t 😉❤️